Ode Kepada....
bermain dengan perasaan mempermainkan pikiran dalam situasi yg tak terpikirkan, tak menentu, tak berpijak. sesuatu menyeret diri membuat murung, bukan kesedihan bukan pula tertawaan, hanya rasa yg sulit dijelaskan. mereka pergi, keluhnya meluluhkan, kadang air matanya tak terbendung, sendiri pergi mengalahkan hidup. kau berharap aku adalah langit yg memayungi tpi aku tak mampu, kau pun tetap pergi, sesekali keluhmu saja yg datang menggerutuiku atas ketidakadaanku. TUHAN..., BERI MEREKA TERANG.
I Want
many night i can't fall a sleep
realizing my self that has no end
knowing my heart that has no 'friend'
the atmosphere of me guided me through this deep
and every time i know i hold my eyes not to weep
then i say: my lord, i really want to stop this pain
i look at the roof lying my self on the faded room
now the days and nights are full of gloom
while my mouth has no mean anymore to sing
there's a screen up-there
playing up the movie of me
people i love left me alone
there's a beautiful eyes that i cant see
at least it gives me a hope to smile
where am i going to go?
i don't want to go home
that place's so weird
I'm not belong there
i want to live with you my dear
So Real
I feel your sweet hands
Travelling over my breast
You feel my burning lips
Linger on your frail chest
We feel our body intertwined
Knowing our Love is blind
I feel you in me
You melt instantly
We float high above
Blissfully in love
Our sound of joy echoed
Waking me up unfold
Nothing's left I deem
It was just a dream
A bitter sweet dream(
I want to sleep forever)
Don't Wanna Be An Accessory,
I wanna be your cigarette
To feel your lips, your breath
I wanna be your necklace
To feel your neck, your chest
I wanna be your pants
To feel your skin, your scents
I wanna be your dress
To feel your hips, your nakedness
I wanna be the person you kiss
I wanna be
With You
Injured,
I'm bleeding my pain
Your picture is soaking wet
I cherish you in vain
I want to forget
That you're a Queen
But still my only King
I vented out all my spleen
But it didn't change anything
How can I forget you
When my mind echoes your voice ?
How can I forget you
When I have no choice ?
How can I forget you
When my eyes meet your angel face ?
How can I forget you ?
When you unfurl such an unkind grace ?
Tell me how
Tell me how
Tell me
Ocean Of Tears,
Since this morning I am crying
Drowned in my own salty tears
I prayed that you'd dive in
And rescue me from my fears
You did not come
I am all alone
I whisper your song
And feel you're breathing along
It's too late
I fell in love
It's my fate
I'll Never be blessed by your Love
Voyage
I dream of walking along the beach of your face,
Diving in the depth of your wet eyes,
And then, basking under the shadow of your thick eyelashes,
I would admire the falls of your dazzling tears.
I'd like to fall asleep,
In the valley of your lips.
Caressed by the warmness of your breath,
I would drown and die in the sweetness of your saliva.
Senses
I can't bear this deafening silence anymore
Echoing endlessly in the chaos of my mind
I wanna burst and cry out my love
Can you hear me love ?
The sight of your dazzling beauty makes me blind
You're the only one I see, you're the One I loveCan you see me honey ?When I caress your sweet face
All I can sense is this slick coldnessCan you feel me darling ?But my wild imagination does the rest
Sometimes I smell your bewitching sensual perfumed voiceCan you smell my presence sweetie ?I can taste your delightful glittering crystal eyesCan you taste me sugar ?One day, in my deepest sleep, I will finally be with You Will you wait for me my sweet princ
The devil inside me
Deep languishing voice comes caressing my senses
I surrender, I am given no defenses
Obssessive lyrics get through my mind
The dazzling sight of you makes me blind
Emotional melody fiendishly invades me
Tearing me apart, having me hurt badly My wounded heart cries your name
But far from here you feel no shame
Thousands souls out there feel the same
Still you don't feel no pain
I shall call you a bastard my love
But my hapless heart refuses that word
I'm consumed by my unreasoned passion
I'm desesperately waiting for my fire to go out
Then I will be able to laugh and shout out loud
Finally released of this endless tension
I will haunt you night and day
And make you suffer the same way
Prison
I passionately hate you
for you turned me into that love fool
sucking all my devotion
and giving me no redemption
You hijacked my heart that night
defenseless, I could not fight
You have my soul and thoughts imprisoned
when will you give me a good reason ?
Please honey release me,
I didn't do anything wrong
I just innocently fell in love with you
when you sang that heartbreaking song
Free me and I promise I'll forgive you
Though I'm the victim and you the criminal
While
Tell me whether it is fair
that my heart's wrapped with a wire fence
while yours is charming someone else
that my eyes are soaking wet
while yours are staring at her chest
That I am slowly withering
while you are just blooming
that I want to die faster
while you choose to live longer
that I can't end this suffering
'cause inside I'm insanely hoping
that someday you will finally wait for me
while I stare at his gorgeous body
Know
You have to know how much I'm suffering
I'm doing the most impossible stuffs
to get your attention and loving
All you could give me will never be enough
I'm praying for that message to reach you
although prayers are things I never do
I'm crying, you have to know it
I'm dying, you have to sense it
I'm in love, you have to feel it
I...
Conversation
D'you see this tear ?
It is mine
D'ya see that one ?
It is mine too
D'ya see that other one ?
It is also mine
D'ya see that upcoming one ?
It is another one from an endless storm
D'ya see that ocean ?
Not long ago it was a sea
Not so long ago it was a dessert
Not so long ago I didn't know you.
Pills
Nobody sees that I'm crying for you every night
cuddled up to my blanket so tight
I weep like a baby
it's so dark I feel so lonely
my eyes are wet and swollen
my problems are not forgotten
my heart is cold and tough
but my tears softened it up
I lie down peacefully for a moment
fearing another similar instant
I can't fall asleep without my daily pills
for fear that you follow me in my dreams
You don't know how painful it feels
to be haunted and trapped in these mental schemes.
Hallo 15
I phoned Mr. Love
But he didn't pick up the phone
He lives just above
I guess he was gone
So I left a short message
saying that my heart was damaged
He phoned me back
And asked me why is that
That you feel so sad
Is it still 'cause of the same lad ?
I didn't have to speak up my mind
He did immediately understand
That my eyes were streaming with tears
That my broken heart was strangled with fears
That it would be the last time I phoned him
If he doesn't hang up and dial fifteen
Punished
I hate the fact that I love you to death
It's killing me deep down inside
If only I could lose my passionate faith
But all I'm hoping for is to be by your side
Is that so bad of a wish ?
For that, must I be punished ?
Suffering thousands mental torture
Crying million tears of sentimental failure
Feeling my heart stabbed to death
Everytime I see you staring at a girl's chest
No, I don't deserve such a punishment
For all I did was to share with you a pure sentiment.
Zombie
All I can see are dozen backs aligned in front of me
They are listening to some strangers telling a story
I'm not distracted, I'm listening carefully
But instead of his voice I hear yours so clearly
You're whispering to me sweet words so softly
I'm falling in love with you every single minute
I'm also dying, so lovesick,every single minute
I don't have any decent existence can't you see ?
I don't sleep, I don't eat, I'm living like a zombie.
You
Soft is your skin
Tough are your dreams
Gentle are your manners
Subtle are your lovers
Faithless are your words
Ruthless is your lord
Beautiful are your hips
Delightful are your lips
B.
You are so amazingly cultured
knowing about all the subjects that matter
Quoting tirades from here or there
You are so graceful even when you swear
Paintings emanate from your mouth
Music vibrates when you shout
Your thoughts are romantic poems
You never doubt that others feel the same
But just know that I don't care about you
All I want is to fuck you.
When I can't sleep
Dark thoughts penetrate my mind.
I think about the Love I can't find,
About Exes who used me up,
Wondering if I was the victim or the slut.
Those weren't even serious dates,
But they are still feeding my hate.
Those thoughts keep me awake,
I'm so sorry everything was so fake.
I want to cry all my pain,
I tried hard but in vain.
Why do I feel so dirty ?
Why am I so angry ?
I guess I only get what I give.
All I'm asking you is to forgive.
Do you feel the same ?
When I hate myself and cry because of you,
It feels like thousand knives stabbing my heart,
I can't breathe there's no other issue.
In those painful moments I wish life was short,
That the pain you inflicted me
Would anaesthetize my feelings forever
But instead it is more and more hurting me.
I'm suffering more than ever
When tears burn my cheek
I feel lost and so lovesick
But I need to cry myself to sleep
My daily medecine is to weep
That's the only way to feel better
Without killing myself after.
Desillusion
Beauty was the only thing I perceived
Indifference was one of the things I received
But you were still my only man
Tender and affectionate like a gentleman
I cried because you are overwhelmingly beautiful
All in all I was merely a fool
Oh yes, i was a veiled woman
Only thinking and speaking about you
Oh yes, I was a blind woman
Always thought I owed it to you
But it was only made of illusions
Now I'm taking back my emotions
To give them to someone worthy of it
Someone who will not treat me like a piece of shit
The portrait of S.B.
Last time I saw thou, thou smiled
Sensual aura, strong and mild
Illuminating thy whole face
Thou were glowing full of grace
Thy face is a gorgeous landscape
So much mesmerising nobody can escape
Peace is tattooed on thy skin
Thy Karma banished the word spleen
Never dost thou complain to others
Thou hast much more to offer
Love is waiting for thou
Thou art waiting for it Love
So keep on smiling darling
Maintain that flame brightening
For you never know when it wilt happen
Never dost thou expect solitude to be broken
Thou set thy feline eyes upon an angel
And lo ! Love mayest enter thy soul
Dwell in, feed'ye and transform thou all
Then, thy beautiful smile of thine
For ever wilt taste as sweet as wine
Nought else bu happiness wilt fill thy life
Shining down on thou in a ray of light
M,
You guided me when I was lost and puny
You showed me the past to wisdom and honesty
When I did not want to listen to anybody
When no one cared for me nor my destiny
When I finally learnt your teaching
When I grew more confident and interesting
You discreetly faded away without whispering
You still watched over me constantly with so much loving
And now I'm finally fully living
Departed
The beautiful sunset
Did wrap us when we met
The uncanny twilight
Did silence our fight
Shy dawn was the witness
Of our ugliness
As the days pass by
I hear you say goodbye
A bitter tear on my face
I let away my solace
London Trade
(99)
That goth girl is haunting me
Her eyes were all I could see
The walls did shake around us
Music was just a damn fuss
Mesmerized by her beauty
We stared by curiosity
I tried to avoid her gaze
Apalling was that phase
She finally smiled at me
I stopped breathing suddenly
I did freeze and stopped thinking
Cause it was so much thrilling
Only feeling lunacy
It was pure agony
Callousness was not my style
I did give her a slight smile
Her response was a laughter
So very sweet yet bitter
at 5.am
That morning I was out of my face
Vodka and excess were of my taste
But the caresses of that cute guy
Were rejected by a sharp goodbye
I collapsed and cried out his* sweet name
I played that comedy all in vain
Alcohol softly fled my cold blood
Still I felt dizzy and odd
I slowly staggered to the subway
Wandered underground to find my way
Until I set my eyes upon your gaze
It was only one second of blaze
Before I went on my lonely path
Too late to look back the die are cast
We did end in the same compartment
I didn't know until that moment
When the doors released the night clubbers
We did glance again like young lovers
I floated along the long dark tunnel
Lost track of you in that new level
Painfully I did climb up the stairs
I lifted my eyes and met your stare
Once again it was long yet so short
Before you vanished into that court
I finally reached the same plateform
My heart was way too numb to be torn
I waited for the train to come
Sinked on the tough bench in the huge dome
That train did not go my direction
I did blanckly fix its slow motion
One by one the windows paraded
In front of my black eyes they faded
I pictured you through one of them
The sight of you did light my cold flame
You made my whole icy body melt
Made me exaggerate what I felt
When you did smile and wave me goodbye
At that moment I was no more shy
So I smiled and lifted up my hand
Perfectly knowing it was the end
I keep in mind that last pure vision
A treasure that is worth a million
For you were my first love at first sight
A stranger I did want to hold tight
* B.
Spark
I thought the spark I had for you
Would bright up for eternity
And make me happy infinitely
But now my Angel I just love you
Nothing more, Nothing less
My feelings are just platonic I guess
I fought so hard to keep it glowing
I didn't want it to fade away
You're still in shining on me anyway
Forever I will cherish that tender loving
Ethereal Violence
The mesmerizing swell soothed me to sleep
Swept back and forth they carresses my demons
So lost in my thoughts I burried them deep
Rash impulses released my evil clones
Their harsh raucous voices tore my bowels
Bleeding from my heart audious dark ghosts
Never thought they could have reached those levels
Perversity and sins were my dear hosts
Lewd purity showered my destiny
Washed and raped my dirty virginity
They violently wrecked my black smooth wings
Condemning me to intense sufferings
My own melodic cries deafening me
All I could hear was silence atrocity
That last crack in my head made my heart swing
My blank eyes implored Hades for the ending
Teliure Circle
Life begins when you feel you first pain
You convince yourself you're living sinless
But you live a happy life out of selfishness
Making others feeling good
Because it makes yourself feel good
You're living more than half of your life in vain
Suffering ten thousand pains
Before being rewarded of one single moment of Joy,
So ephemeral yet overwhelmingly intense
That you seek all your life for a similar instant
What's the price to be paid ?
To hope less to obtain more ?
To wish negative to get positive ?
Trying to shun sisters Disappointments as much as you can ?
Ignore your failures and show off your success
Try to see as many breathless beauties as you can
During your short life such in a mess
Live a blind life made of ignorings and avoidings
Until the day you will discover that all of us married Mr. Death
That day you will enjoy your honeymoon
You will cheat on him soon
With Mr. Illusions ?
What about a threesome with Mr. Denial and Hypocrisy ?
Bondage with Mr. Envy ?
What was the point of giving up your former name Miss Life ?
Note
I don't know why we have that habit
To unconsciously write down the
Name of the one we love, over and
Over and over. everywhere, whenever
All over, without never getting bored
Even immensely enjoying ourselves. It
Is the sign that we are in love, the
Sign that time has no more importance
When it is not spent with the beloved.
Hellish Heart
I have an evilish dirty naughty mind
Never will you ever see something of that kind
Mean, self centered and so obviously blind
Sounds familiar? But it's not that easy to find
I'm aggressive. To talk to me is a grind
Yes, totally hateful you do agree
But i'm not willing to change you see
Cause I don't care what you think of me
Lost and Alone
I cry and I cry and I cry
To wash rge impure stains away
I try and I try and I try
But my guilt doesn't fade away
I die and I die and I die
For my lonely heart went astray
I see my soul
I don't want to be heartless
But it's what fits me the best
I cannot hide my selfishness
Without destroying all the rest
I need to cry out my distress
If I want it out of my chest
Why do I show so much excess ?
It is not of high interest
It is pure vanity I guess
To compensate my lack of faith
In those moments of loneliness
I want to be closer to death
Morning
I wake up with bitterness drowning my heart
sadness is slowly flooding my mind
I need to pour those feelings out
But there is no openings
I don't want to talk
I don't want to listen
I don't want to open my eyes
I let myself die little by little from inside
The absence of pure feelings becomes so heavy
That it suffocates me
Suite
Bitterness, sadness, loneliness, jealousy
are Invading my heart
They leave no more room for
Joy, happiness, love and generosity
I'm not sure I have the strenght and the will
To chase them away
I feel they are part of me
They come here for so long
More present than the others
They are so faithful...
Explain
My heart is being mashed by him
I had no idea it could hurt that much
It is just feelings, no physical pain
Shreds of good moments are so thin
I was made happy by a single touch
Now all that is left is just a stain
Crash
The first tear drop burnt my cheeks
When it crashed on my bare foot
Its coldness pierced and froze my heart
My sobs made it collapse like a card castle
The ruins are covered with thorny weeds
Destroy
The only way to lighten my burden
is to cry all my sad feelings away
But how can I weep in this public place
My make-up would betray me right away
My feelings want to pour out of my face
And flood the loved one I have forsaken
Till he can't breathe my sadness anymore
Life made of...
Why do I feel nothing bu pain ?
When it is joy, it is ephemeral
I cannot even remember
But when it is pain
it is so vicious and litteral
That it is carved in my mind forever
Metal Voice (A.)
My numb carapace wraps my beating heart
All my vital strenght left my frail body
I feel what is left to me to live is so short
My lively blood is pouring out softly
But her crystal voice carresses my pain
Ceases my fears and brings tears to my eyes
Her ethereal melody feeds my veins
My burning tears evaporate to the sky
I passed away in the depth of her voice
An woke up drunken by her vibration
She brought me to the dead land of her choice
And sang the hymn of reincarnation
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